Five Reasons Why: You should join Campbell Newman’s MCC

If you’re thinking to yourself, “Who’s Campbell Newman?” you best click this link and catch up on some recent motorcycle-related news…

1. No Motorcycles

Secret records have confirmed motorcycle riders experience a great deal of pleasure when out riding their motorcycles. Pleasure that comes at the expense and welfare of the community who are unwilling to enjoy the experience. Campbell Newman and his acolytes know that only really, really bad people derive pleasure from motorcycles – the type of person who frequents hotels, drinks beer and wears denim and leather. A few of these people also commit crimes, however the one bad apple theory doesn’t apply in this case. It’s definitely the whole rotten barrel. Therefore all motorcycle clubs across the great state of Queensland have been proscribed as criminal organisations; the exception being Campbell Newman’s Motorcycle Club, which has totally prohibited the use of motorcycles.

2. No Clubhouse

To remain pure and untainted, all members of Campbell Newman’s Motorcycle Club will be banned from being within shouting distance of one another. Therefore there is no need for a clubhouse or any other meeting place where these individuals might be encouraged to look at the graven images published in insidious magazines such as Transmoto. Or discuss motorcycles. Of course, there will be no need to carry any form of identification that would associate the carrier as being a member of any organisation. In fact, the Campbell Newman Motorcycle Club is possibly the only club in existence whose members are not permitted to display, discuss or acknowledge any form of interest in motorcycles at all.

3. No Patches

Clearly the citizens of Queensland have been alarmed by outlaws identifying themselves wearing patches or other clothing that depicts them as potential evildoers. Therefore, the Campbell Newman Motorcycle Club will not issue any items that might identify them as club members and any type of leather outerwear is banned. Whilst allowable, denim clothing, flannel shirts and un-collared T-shirts are not encouraged. Members are advised to wear suits and ties of similar hues to politicians, union officials and those business people running Ponzi schemes to best rip the public off without being so obvious.

4. No Pubs Or Restaurants

Members of Campbell Newman’s Motorcycle Club will be forbidden to enter any hotel, restaurant, wine bar, café or take away liquor store. Maccas, Pizza Hut and KFC may be patronised during daylight hours, however, after sunset members are banned from public places unless accompanied by two members of the Queensland Police Service. Certain areas such as Fortitude Valley, Surfers Paradise and any outback town that has a motorcycle outlet will be off limits to members. Stay tuned for the latest ‘no go’ areas.

5. No Joking

Not counting those of us who hold both drivers and riders licences, there are over one million people in Australia who hold riders licences and the best we’ve been able to do is convince 3,202 people to sign a petition against these draconian laws. A petition that was dismissed by Queensland Attorney General Jarrod Bleijke with the statement, “This government makes no apologies with regard to these tough new laws. A person charged under the new laws has the opportunity to prove that the organisation to which they are connected is not an organisation that engages in criminal activity.”

Lawyers for the United Motorcycle Council are currently challenging the VLAD laws in the High Court. Let’s hope they’re successful. If not, don’t believe their legislation will stay north of the Tweed. Don’t say you didn’t see it coming.